5 people in your corner

For who I am and what I need, my parents are perfect. I thank my lucky stars every day that I ended up with those two as my built-in, gotta-love-me-no-matter-what safety net. I spend a lot of time reading about raising children - and people, in general- with intention. Note to Grandma: I spend a lot of time reading about everything so don't look too deep into that one ;) .  One of my favourite pieces of wisdom is "the best thing you can do for your child is find out what they want, and then encourage them to do it." My parents did this in spades. I continue to admire their willingness to just say "yes." When I inevitably return bumped and bruised, they prop me up like any good boxing coach and offer  sound advice for next time.

One piece of great Dad Advice is this: "At all times, kiddo, you've got to have 5 people in your corner backing you up." Dad is a retired therapist and having 5 people in his corner meant five colleagues with whom he could debrief, strategize, and support. Five people in my corner means different things on different days in different situations. Like any good piece of advice, though, it remains applicable.

I really believe in reaching out and asking for help. Vulnerability is tough but suffering in silence is tougher. Furthermore, it is often unnecessary. Life is a team effort. You just can't do it alone. You can be your own person in the ring but somebody needs to fetch your water. Or rehabilitate your shoulder. Or remind you there is life outside the coliseum.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, take a moment and think about who you have in your corner. In fact, write it down.  I guarantee you have way more than five people. Most of my journals include lists of people I consider part of my support network. Such lists always include my close inner circle of support but I also include less familiar friends and acquaintances. Some of these people I barely know. But for whatever reason -or no reason at all- I feel I can reach out to them. Old high school teachers, some lady that writes a blog I resonate with, that super caring person I'd like to be better friends with, a friend-of-a-friend who went through something similar that one time....

Try making your own list. You might be surprised by who comes to mind. And then tape it to your fridge so every morning before breakfast you are reminded of how many people are supporting your wellbeing and success. That is a lot of support! That is a lot of power! If you are not satisfied by the support you receive from one person, you have at least four other people waiting to help you out. Allow people the opportunity to help you. You are bound for success, kiddo, and the group of us are here to ensure that happens.

Take a moment and identify who in your life can provide the following support:

-listen sympathetically

-hug, without asking any questions

-make you laugh it off

-allow you to cry it out

-tell you to suck it up

-tell you you are right and everyone else needs to suck it up

-force you to put your book down and step outside to gain a little perspective

-remind you to put your head down and not bring it up until you are done

-other needs...

lighten up

*I didn't write this. It was written by Alexis McDonald who has a really lovely, heartbreakingly honest blog called "The Wunder Year."  Her willingness to be vulnerable is remarkable. You can read her stuff here:  http://thewunderyear.wordpress.com. 



If I could lighten up a little I’d let myself sing as loudly as possible and I wouldn’t care if the neighbours overheard.

I’d jump on the bed. I would move to Paris and dye my hair a rich shade of red.

I would take deeper breaths, stay up all night, and read poetry to strangers.

I would dance. Naked. In front of a mirror. And I’d laugh at the way my flesh jiggles.

If I could lighten up a little I would take bubble baths, read more, and make decisions quickly without agonizing over the details.

I would breathe and forgive myself for making mistakes. Cheer loudly at hockey games and do cannonballs off the high diving board.

I’d paint with my feet and relish the goo sliding between my toes. I would do more work and less procrastinating. I would build sandcastles too close to the incoming tide.

I would dress up in gowns and make fake Oscar speeches, sit inside grocery carts and have someone push me down the aisles.

I would hug strangers instead of shaking their hand, kiss everyone on both cheeks, and when I laughed it would be from the depths of my joy.

I would stop complaining about the weather and get dressed in the dark.

I’d shake out my worries by shaking my soul. Rid the blues with strawberry milkshakes and stop worrying about the things I cannot control.

Maybe I’d get over all the things I can’t do, haven’t done, don’t want to do or haven’t done right. Maybe I’d throw my hands up in the air and proclaim “How fascinating” before I had the chance to knock myself down.

I would be less selfish, more selfless. Less fake, more real.

I’d take less and give more. Find strength in adversity and surrender to the unknown.

If I could lighten up a little, I would appreciate the present moment. Live straight from the heart and speak only the words that originate from the depths of my soul.

If I could lighten up a little, maybe I could help to light up the world.

things that are good for you (and delicious)

-kale
-spinach
-swiss chard
-avocado
-chia
-apple
-banana
-mango
-almond milk
-water
-not measuring

keep it simple

There is a common theme running through my yoga practice the last week or so. It seems wherever my mind wanders as I practice, it always comes back to the same thought: keep it simple. It is telling this theme crops up now, of all times.  For the past few weeks I have been having complicated discussions and thoughts. As the last two months of school begin and the reality of exams presents itself, students are often pre-occupied with seeking summer employment. Legal-related summer work after 1L is not required, but for some it is ideal. Even if you are not seeking summer work, planning for the coming year involves possible exchange applications, student society nominations, and understanding next September's OCI process. For me, this means my head has been filled with planning for the unknown and trying to read the mind of future-me.

It is an interesting place, law school. As much as you are immersed in a fascinating world of academia, there is a continuous eye on career. I have spent countless hours researching my dream path while readings pile up and exams loom nearer.  While I day dream and plan to the moon and back, I also realize I am not the only one affected by my choices. My loved ones - and bank account - will be hugely impacted by my decisions in the next year or so. It is an exciting time but it is, without a doubt, complicated.  I must admit that once I start down these thought experiments, I straddle the entire spectrum from complete self-confidence to victim of fear and doubt. It is a battle to keep the nagging feeling that there are just too many elements to juggle for everything to work out at bay. And yet I know everything will be perfect because life is just too darn good for it to turn out any other way! Back and forth, back and forth, creating my own complications.

And so, when my yoga instructor advised the group of us to just "keep it simple" it really hit home. As I was lying there in savasana ("corpse pose") it dawned on me that I may not have agency over every little detail right now, but I do have the ability to keep it simple. Moreover, it is really not that hard. All you have to do is pay attention to your breath. Practice mindful meditation. As I lay there tuning out of my emotional response to stress and tuning in to my breath, life really did become simple. It was almost as if my crazy life was occurring parallel to my reality. By breathing mindfully, we can choose to enter and exit the complications of life and law school as we choose. Take a breather. Gain perspective. Recharge. And then dive in when you feel ready and calm.  

What is mindfulness meditation?

Mindfulness meditation encourages the practitioner to observe thoughts as they enter the mind. Just observe them. Don't attach to them, identify with them, or judge them (or yourself). When I practice mindfulness and get distracted by a thought, I try to be very gentle with myself and simply think, "hm, interesting. I am thinking about _______. I am choosing to let that go now."  Sometimes I visualize filing the issue away but usually I see it flutter like a piece of paper in the breeze. 

Mindfulness meditation is helpful because it enables one to take a moment and relax. It enables one to notice how quickly us humans judge things as "good" or "bad." As law students we are often asked to judge. Being able to separate things that require such judgment from things that do not, helps to create balance in our lives. A key to health-full living is to distinguish what you have control over from what you do not have control over. The next step is to get excited about what you can control and guide your life with hope, courage, faith, and relentless enthusiasm. For the rest of it, don't create complications where none exist. And where they do exist, keep it as simple as possible. Give yourself some credit. You have more power than you think. Your secret weapon is your breath - easy to use and always available.

I do not know how they built Machu Picchu but I am guessing they didn't visualize it in its entirety before they even began. So relax, take a breather, trust yourSelf to give you your own perfect future as it unfolds.