5 people in your corner

For who I am and what I need, my parents are perfect. I thank my lucky stars every day that I ended up with those two as my built-in, gotta-love-me-no-matter-what safety net. I spend a lot of time reading about raising children - and people, in general- with intention. Note to Grandma: I spend a lot of time reading about everything so don't look too deep into that one ;) .  One of my favourite pieces of wisdom is "the best thing you can do for your child is find out what they want, and then encourage them to do it." My parents did this in spades. I continue to admire their willingness to just say "yes." When I inevitably return bumped and bruised, they prop me up like any good boxing coach and offer  sound advice for next time.

One piece of great Dad Advice is this: "At all times, kiddo, you've got to have 5 people in your corner backing you up." Dad is a retired therapist and having 5 people in his corner meant five colleagues with whom he could debrief, strategize, and support. Five people in my corner means different things on different days in different situations. Like any good piece of advice, though, it remains applicable.

I really believe in reaching out and asking for help. Vulnerability is tough but suffering in silence is tougher. Furthermore, it is often unnecessary. Life is a team effort. You just can't do it alone. You can be your own person in the ring but somebody needs to fetch your water. Or rehabilitate your shoulder. Or remind you there is life outside the coliseum.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, take a moment and think about who you have in your corner. In fact, write it down.  I guarantee you have way more than five people. Most of my journals include lists of people I consider part of my support network. Such lists always include my close inner circle of support but I also include less familiar friends and acquaintances. Some of these people I barely know. But for whatever reason -or no reason at all- I feel I can reach out to them. Old high school teachers, some lady that writes a blog I resonate with, that super caring person I'd like to be better friends with, a friend-of-a-friend who went through something similar that one time....

Try making your own list. You might be surprised by who comes to mind. And then tape it to your fridge so every morning before breakfast you are reminded of how many people are supporting your wellbeing and success. That is a lot of support! That is a lot of power! If you are not satisfied by the support you receive from one person, you have at least four other people waiting to help you out. Allow people the opportunity to help you. You are bound for success, kiddo, and the group of us are here to ensure that happens.

Take a moment and identify who in your life can provide the following support:

-listen sympathetically

-hug, without asking any questions

-make you laugh it off

-allow you to cry it out

-tell you to suck it up

-tell you you are right and everyone else needs to suck it up

-force you to put your book down and step outside to gain a little perspective

-remind you to put your head down and not bring it up until you are done

-other needs...

lighten up

*I didn't write this. It was written by Alexis McDonald who has a really lovely, heartbreakingly honest blog called "The Wunder Year."  Her willingness to be vulnerable is remarkable. You can read her stuff here:  http://thewunderyear.wordpress.com. 



If I could lighten up a little I’d let myself sing as loudly as possible and I wouldn’t care if the neighbours overheard.

I’d jump on the bed. I would move to Paris and dye my hair a rich shade of red.

I would take deeper breaths, stay up all night, and read poetry to strangers.

I would dance. Naked. In front of a mirror. And I’d laugh at the way my flesh jiggles.

If I could lighten up a little I would take bubble baths, read more, and make decisions quickly without agonizing over the details.

I would breathe and forgive myself for making mistakes. Cheer loudly at hockey games and do cannonballs off the high diving board.

I’d paint with my feet and relish the goo sliding between my toes. I would do more work and less procrastinating. I would build sandcastles too close to the incoming tide.

I would dress up in gowns and make fake Oscar speeches, sit inside grocery carts and have someone push me down the aisles.

I would hug strangers instead of shaking their hand, kiss everyone on both cheeks, and when I laughed it would be from the depths of my joy.

I would stop complaining about the weather and get dressed in the dark.

I’d shake out my worries by shaking my soul. Rid the blues with strawberry milkshakes and stop worrying about the things I cannot control.

Maybe I’d get over all the things I can’t do, haven’t done, don’t want to do or haven’t done right. Maybe I’d throw my hands up in the air and proclaim “How fascinating” before I had the chance to knock myself down.

I would be less selfish, more selfless. Less fake, more real.

I’d take less and give more. Find strength in adversity and surrender to the unknown.

If I could lighten up a little, I would appreciate the present moment. Live straight from the heart and speak only the words that originate from the depths of my soul.

If I could lighten up a little, maybe I could help to light up the world.

things that are good for you (and delicious)

-kale
-spinach
-swiss chard
-avocado
-chia
-apple
-banana
-mango
-almond milk
-water
-not measuring

keep it simple

There is a common theme running through my yoga practice the last week or so. It seems wherever my mind wanders as I practice, it always comes back to the same thought: keep it simple. It is telling this theme crops up now, of all times.  For the past few weeks I have been having complicated discussions and thoughts. As the last two months of school begin and the reality of exams presents itself, students are often pre-occupied with seeking summer employment. Legal-related summer work after 1L is not required, but for some it is ideal. Even if you are not seeking summer work, planning for the coming year involves possible exchange applications, student society nominations, and understanding next September's OCI process. For me, this means my head has been filled with planning for the unknown and trying to read the mind of future-me.

It is an interesting place, law school. As much as you are immersed in a fascinating world of academia, there is a continuous eye on career. I have spent countless hours researching my dream path while readings pile up and exams loom nearer.  While I day dream and plan to the moon and back, I also realize I am not the only one affected by my choices. My loved ones - and bank account - will be hugely impacted by my decisions in the next year or so. It is an exciting time but it is, without a doubt, complicated.  I must admit that once I start down these thought experiments, I straddle the entire spectrum from complete self-confidence to victim of fear and doubt. It is a battle to keep the nagging feeling that there are just too many elements to juggle for everything to work out at bay. And yet I know everything will be perfect because life is just too darn good for it to turn out any other way! Back and forth, back and forth, creating my own complications.

And so, when my yoga instructor advised the group of us to just "keep it simple" it really hit home. As I was lying there in savasana ("corpse pose") it dawned on me that I may not have agency over every little detail right now, but I do have the ability to keep it simple. Moreover, it is really not that hard. All you have to do is pay attention to your breath. Practice mindful meditation. As I lay there tuning out of my emotional response to stress and tuning in to my breath, life really did become simple. It was almost as if my crazy life was occurring parallel to my reality. By breathing mindfully, we can choose to enter and exit the complications of life and law school as we choose. Take a breather. Gain perspective. Recharge. And then dive in when you feel ready and calm.  

What is mindfulness meditation?

Mindfulness meditation encourages the practitioner to observe thoughts as they enter the mind. Just observe them. Don't attach to them, identify with them, or judge them (or yourself). When I practice mindfulness and get distracted by a thought, I try to be very gentle with myself and simply think, "hm, interesting. I am thinking about _______. I am choosing to let that go now."  Sometimes I visualize filing the issue away but usually I see it flutter like a piece of paper in the breeze. 

Mindfulness meditation is helpful because it enables one to take a moment and relax. It enables one to notice how quickly us humans judge things as "good" or "bad." As law students we are often asked to judge. Being able to separate things that require such judgment from things that do not, helps to create balance in our lives. A key to health-full living is to distinguish what you have control over from what you do not have control over. The next step is to get excited about what you can control and guide your life with hope, courage, faith, and relentless enthusiasm. For the rest of it, don't create complications where none exist. And where they do exist, keep it as simple as possible. Give yourself some credit. You have more power than you think. Your secret weapon is your breath - easy to use and always available.

I do not know how they built Machu Picchu but I am guessing they didn't visualize it in its entirety before they even began. So relax, take a breather, trust yourSelf to give you your own perfect future as it unfolds.  

this could be a good time

"You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour, now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour.  And there are things to be considered . . .

Where are you living?
What are you doing?
 What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your Truth.
Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader."

Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, "This could be a good time!"

   

 "There is a river flowing now very fast.  It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.  They will try to hold on to the shore.   They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly. 

  
 "Know the river has its destination.  The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water.   And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate.  At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, Least of all ourselves.  For the moment that we do,  our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt. 
   
 "The time for the lone wolf is over.  Gather yourselves!  Banish the word struggle from you attitude and your vocabulary.  All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration. 
    
"We are the ones we've been waiting for."

-- attributed to an unnamed Hopi elder

Hopi Nation

Oraibi, Arizona

perfect, just as you are

One of my favourite things about Vancouver is the quality of yoga studios. I discovered a particularly good one when I was living there last year.  I was so excited by the sheer number of available methods that I more or less moved in for the first three days.  In those first 72 hours I attended 19 yoga classes. I have never felt better. Luckily for my schedule, it was a long weekend. Luckily for my soul, I discovered a teacher named Mike. 

Mike has a wonderful habit of reminding his students of a simple truth: you are perfect, just as you are. He says it in every class. The first time he said it I almost burst out laughing. I kept a goofy grin on my face for the remaining 90 minutes. It struck me as hilarious and joyous and liberating to tune in to each person's inherent perfection. Because it is there. Oh boy, is it ever there. And so evident, too. How could we have missed it as we busily went about our day? Here was a room of perfect, unique, living, breathing, loving human beings, myself included. Moreover, we were coming together with the intention to create and share a positive space in the world. Amazing, incredible, power-FULL.

The second time Mike reminded us that we are "perfect, just as you are," I nearly started to cry. There was nothing about that sentence that I felt was truth. I was, and remain, fascinated that such a little sentence has the power for a remarkable array of emotional responses. How fascinating is the human psyche! That is the thing, though - it is the human psyche, not the sentence itself, that changes the perception of truth. It is important to remember that the variety of interpretations does not call the truth of your perfection into question. It may, however, cause one to investigate his/her personal emotional centre. Grab the shovels, I say! Dig deep. As long as you don't stop in the layers of muck and shame and self-doubt, you will find Your Truth. And the truth, as you know, is that you are perfect. 

To finish, here is a poem by the 14th century Persian mystic and poet, Hafiz. Hafiz is my favourite poet. I would lend you my book of his poetry but I am not sure I could go for more than a few days without it. This particular piece is about accepting that you are perfect, just as you are. (That's the thing about truths -- they don't change much over 700 years.)

*if "God" doesn't work for you today, use another word. Hafiz does it all the time. 

Now is the Time

Now is the time to know

That all that you do is sacred.

Now, why not consider

A lasting truce with yourself and God.

Now is the time to understand

That all your ideas of right and wrong

Were just a child's training wheels

To be laid aside

When you finally live

With veracity

And love.

Hafiz is a divine envoy

Whom the Beloved

Has written a holy message upon.

My dear, please tell me,

Why do you still

Throw sticks at your heart

And God?

What is it in that sweet voice inside

That incites you to fear?

Now is the time for the world to know

That every thought and action is sacred.

This is the time for you to compute the impossibility

That there is anything

But Grace.

Now is the season to know

That everything you do

Is sacred.

Disclaimer: I am a huge goal setter. I love a good vision board. I single-handedly keep the Self-Help book industry going. However, I believe that goals and growth and development are not mutually exclusive of self-love. 

Bodhisattva (Goddess of Compassion) statute peacefully sitting in our garden at home...
Reminding you that you are perfect, even if you missed a weed. 

i'd like to see your headstand

Louie was a really strange guy. In my memory, he had a fu manchu, but I don't really think that is possible. We worked together at a kids' summer camp. I would often watch him stroll the grounds and wonder if he was, in fact, an ancient Mongol emperor. I knew it couldn't be time travel but Louie had a mysticism about him that suggests he had alternative means.

However he got here, I am glad he did. Louie the Emperor greatly impacted my life.

We had just finished another week of camp. The kids were sent home, the cabins were swept, and the counsellors were emerging from the woodwork for a final debrief before the weekend. Louie was already sitting on the grass at our meeting spot. Well, "sitting" isn't exactly the right word. Louie was in a headstand. He had potentially been there all day, I have no idea.

I adore headstands. They are quite possibly my favourite position.  I was so excited that somebody else could do one, that I ran over and popped right up beside him. Ahh, I could feel the stress leaving my body. It seeped from my toes, through my head, and into the earth. I felt grounded and light. Sweet release!

And then somebody called out, "Stop being such a show-off!"

I know this person. I know this is a good person. I know this person is full of love and compassion and support. But it was one of those moments that we've all had. One of those moments when we say something to be funny or sarcastic but it doesn't change the fact that the words are unhelpful and unkind.

I came out of my headstand immediately. As my cheeks started to glow from embarrassment, I tucked my legs under myself and hunched my shoulders to protect my hurt. Slowly, Louie came out of his headstand, too. He turned to our mutual friend and said kindly, but matter-of-factly, "I do not like the term "show-off." It is hurtful. We are not in headstands to make you feel bad about yourself."

That was six years ago and I still carry that story in my heart. I agree with Louie. Life is not a zero-sum game. Your ability does not negate my ability. In fact, by liberating yourself from fear or shame, I am necessarily liberated to do the same. Your achievement inspires me to achieve. There may be only a few 'A's to go around in law school, but life is not law school. There is no maximum quota of excellence.

Think about it this way. If we go for a jog together and you are the better runner, that has no effect on my ability to run. I would be running the way I usually do whether you were there or not. Your superior stride has no bearing on my stride. If anything, by seeing your technique, I am given an opportunity to learn. How lucky is that?? I probably didn't even know there were other ways to run. By you being brave enough to shine as you do, I have been provided a glimpse into the realm of possibility. I am enriched by you. If we could just step outside of our egos and pre-occupation with shame, we would be liberated enough to ask for advice and to be enhanced by the exchange of ideas, thoughts, experiences, and philosophies that follow. Like a ripple effect, we pass on accumulated knowledge to the potential of the future. In the end, the world could be full of amazing runners. Or scientists. Or parents. In short, it really is the case that the world benefits from you being great.

Finally, and maybe most importantly, you're just really amazing. Are you aware of that? It's true. You are actually so awesome for being able to do a backflip/solve a rubik's cube/touch your nose with your tongue/finish all your readings before class. Enough about my benefit - seriously, you are impressive stuff. Way to go, champ. (And thanks for being brave enough to share because otherwise I would not have known.)

So go on, have courage. Show me your headstand. Shine like you're able. If you have a talent, I want to celebrate it. If you are willing to teach me, I'd be richer for the experience. Either way, you are putting something positive out there and the world is a better place for it. Thank you. We're all grateful.

Put your toes to the sky and shine, shine, shine.